I just spent the past few days walking the Camino de Santiago from San Sebastian to Bilbao. I just arrived in Bilbao this morning at 9:30 and I am now on a plane to Porto, Portugal at 1:30pm.
As you already know if you read my previous post, the first three days of walking were done with the flu. Hard is simply not a big enough word to describe the experience, but I sure do feel like a bad-ass for not giving up. After my previous post, I started feeling much better. The brutal hike between Deba and Markena could not have been done otherwise, that is one long, hard hike.
I did end up ditching some stuff out of my pack after that one. I, in my stubborn ways, refused to listen when people tried to tell me my pack was too heavy. In my dumb-assery I thought I was strong and they were underestimating me. HA!! I was underestimating the difficulty of the hikes we were doing. I went into it like a complete doofus. I assumed we were maybe hiking about 8-10 miles a day with probably mostly easy terrain. Nope, more like 15 miles a day and “kick your ass” mountains. I also didn’t think about how a one-day hike that big was major BY ITSELF, but what happens when the very next day you do that again, and then again the next day, and again, and again….I so didn’t take it seriously enough. This kicked my ass, hard.
But, I DID IT. And I am still standing, and I can still walk (sort of…does waddling count?)
I did learn to listen better when people try to tell me “something you should hear for your own good”. I also learned that 8 pounds of stuff I thought was essential, was absolutely non-essential once I carried it up a mountain for a few miles.
But mostly I learned how to keep going. When my back is seizing, how to keep going. When my feet are on fire, how to keep going. How to cough up green goo in convulsive fits, and keep going. How to feel like everyone has gone ahead and I am the last pathetic soul to drag into town, and keep going. How to realize how stupid I was for not preparing for this, and keep going. How to be sure I can’t keep going, and then keep going. How to hurt so bad at night that I can’t help but cry and tell myself I don’t have to keep going tomorrow, and then keep going. How to watch someone else hurt even more than me, and see them keep going. How to be a part of a community of people who suffer each day, and yet we all keep going.
Yes, this was my first time trying this, and this blog is me writing about me…but there are many other people out on that trail each day, all facing their own demons, all there for their own reasons, all having moments of pain and suffering, moments of total exhaustion, moments of doubt, and moments of personal triumph.