I got so caught up in telling you the story of my journey yesterday, I forgot the best part!! I had a personal breakthrough, or dare I say several personal breakthroughs.
I told you all about the physical challenge in yesterday’s post.Day 2 of the Camino:Portugalete to Castro Urdiales
What I want to share today is my mental journey.
Breakthrough #1: It began early, when I first got up to a sore achy body. I knew the walk was going to be an extreme challenge anyway and, if not for last year, I might have had some doubts about my soreness.
But last year I woke up every single day tired, sore, and achy. Every day I would think I couldn’t possibly walk the miles planned. Every day I would say, “just get up and get ready and see how it goes.”. And every day the soreness faded quickly, the miles happened, and I would drag in at the end of the day with the next stage complete thinking there was no way I could do it again tomorrow.
So, the breakthrough is that yesterday, there was no self doubt! I got up sore and knew it would be fine, that the cure was to get up and move around. By the time I was done getting ready, the soreness was gone. I never doubted myself for a second. Anyone who knows me knows that I am often crippled by self doubt in almost every area (except being organized-i am the organization MASTER!) and I struggle to move forward at times. Developing some ability to trust myself to be ok…a major achievement indeed.
Breakthrough #2: taking in the good, knowing bad is coming and being prepared instead of afraid.
As I started the walk, it was shady and breezy and cool-ish. My body felt pretty good and the pack didn’t seem as heavy. I put some tunes in my iPod and… pretty soon I was grooving out and singing along my way. My clear sense of joy was bringing joy to others as I passed by, you could tell by their faces. Most people love to see other people being happy and the happiness rubs off on them. Like I walk by and some of my happy gets transmitted to each person I pass by. And that made me even happier!
Even in my super happy state, I knew some serious hurt was coming my way, that there was some misery coming later that day. And, instead of letting that bring me down, I decided to relish in the current pleasant happy moments because they would be fleeting. Not clinging to them either though, just being sure to take in the good and fully appreciate the happiness experience while it was there while fully accepting that it wouldn’t last.
But, I also explored the expected misery from the happy place. From last year, I had an idea of what to expect. Last year was pain, self doubt, wanting to stop, hating every step, and wondering why the hell I was even doing it. Yesterday, I knew the predicted over 100 degree heat would add an extra layer of hurt.
In my mind, I imagined myself later that day…sweating and hot and hurting. Instead of dreading, accepting. I planned my response to those moments: accepting the hurt and discomfort and knowing that I could get through it, knowing I would be able to endure and that it would be ok. I planned to deal with the heat by imagining and looking forward to the place I was staying that night. I had a private room in a home, and they had a pool. I imagined lying naked on the bed with the AC on full blast until I shivered with goosebumps. I imagined the indulgence of swimming in their pool. I could suffer the heat knowing what bliss awaits.
Knowing it would be a hard day, I also planned that the next day (today) would be a rest day. I also knew it was in a nice old touristy Beach town. I had a comfortable and private place to stay and I could rest all I wanted. I wouldn’t have to get up and walk the next day.
So, when the hurt and tired hit, I planned to tell myself that I could get through it and that rest was coming.
When the pain arrived, and oh boy it arrived with a vengeance, I didn’t really need to work at being ok or remind myself of anything. It was all already there pre-loaded. It was like, “no worries, I got this, that private room will be soooo nice and I can rest all I need to tomorrow.”.
I did catch myself trying to get comfortable at times and begining to feel the edges of misery as a result. And then, a miracle happened! I accepted. I accepted that pain was there and unavoidable. Trying to not be in pain was futile and would make me miserable because I knew it would be unsuccessful. So, I accepted the pain and I still adjusted my pack, but without the expectation or desire for total relief. I just tried to lessen the pain and move it around…low back and hip flexors hurting more when waist belt tighter, loosen waist belt and let the shoulders take it, shoulders ache too much then tighten waist belt to let low back take it….and on it went. But, since I accepted the pain as part of the experience, I never felt miserable…just in pain.
The best part was that there was no self doubt, I was fine in my mind.
I realize today that I was in pain and sweating buckets….but I never was “miserable”. True misery comes from the mind, not the body. I was in pain, but I wasn’t miserable. Misery comes from rejecting what you are experiencing and wishing for something else. I was able to accept the current state, and in my acceptance there was peace and freedom from misery. I also knew it was temporary and that I had something good to anticipate. That helped a lot.
The sweet rewards…a cool shower and no AC, but windows opened to the sea with a delicious fresh breeze (even better than ac). A private room where I could lay my achy body in any state of undress I wanted and let the cool sea breeze wash over me.
After some rest and draining of the gargantuan blister on my toe, I decided I wanted food. I didn’t want to sit in a restaurant and there was a very basic kitchen area here. Then the thought came: tomatoes, olive oil, mozzarella…and a roasted chicken. Hell yeah, I’m going to the store!
I got up to a thunderstorm, so I borrowed an umbrella. Ain’t nothing going to get in my way today!
I walked to the store nearby (thank you Google), and thank goodness it was only 0.3 miles. I got my tomatoes, balls of mozzarella the size of my fist for 0.87 euro, I saw a 6pack of endive for 1 Euro and snapped it up (I love endive and forgot how cheap it is in Europe!), I grabbed a small bottle of olive oil and balsamic vinegar, some nice bread, some fruit, 2 cans of Radler….but no roasted chicken there. Meh, you can’t always have everything. I had food for 2 days for 20 euro!
It turned out to be a delicious and lovely dinner…
I didn’t sleep too well…my body hurt too much. But it is now morning and I’m enjoying a nice cup of coffee in my room, enjoying the morning sea breezes and the sounds of ocean waves and seagulls wafting through the window.
Life is good.😁